This is My(Dance)space, This is Your(Dance)space

As I’ve hit my 33rd year in life, I received an email today that made me beam with joy. The headline was, “Your Myspace blogs are ready for download!” Lately, when I mention performing comedy and all that biz, people ask how I got my start in writing. It made me think that one of the first times that I felt my stupid writing might be enjoyed by others was when I wrote all of those backhanded compliment/love testimonials about my friends. So today, I logged into Myspace and downloaded those blogs. Among the testimonials, I also found the update about when I talked to Rob Schneider on the phone and made him call me the LeeAnninator. That was pretty fun.

Anyway, for your reading pleasure, here’s a trip down memory lane with the original Myspace Friend Testimonials Blog:

Here is a collection of friend testimonials I’ve been writing.  There are more to come.  I guess this is my version of a BFF necklace or something.  Enjoy!

It all started with Pete and the Shepherd.

The Shepherd Express is a fine advertising venue.  There is strong content including up-to-date-news stories as well a genuine touch with the community through local events and concerts.  Our ad is always pushed really far in the back with a bunch of other ads, but that is not our fine lookin’ reps’ problem.  His problem is his pants and the fact that they are still on.  I tell him all of the time that pants belong on the floor in my bedroom, but he does not seem to respond.  Some may call this professionalism, I call it playing hard to get.  Maybe this is why he is Sir Buttmunch of all of the buttmunches.  All in all, advertise with the Shepherd Express because although their reps’ pants do not come down their rates do and that’s all that matters.

Then his lady:

Sarah, Milwaukee, 27

Sarah is a fine lookin’ lady who hails from “New B.” Her laugh and glowing smile are contagious. So contagious that your face will hurt after you watch porn and play Mario Bros. with her. She likes pants, especially if she’s in them. She also has some mad skillz when it comes to Scattegories so you best get your racial slurs ready.

Molly, Milwaukee, 25 years young

   

Molly is a very bright and cheerful young lady who offers many skills in both her hard work and her friendship.  She can do fancy things on computers and writes a killer resume and cover letter.  Other skills include fine dance moves to the Grind Workout, falling up and down stairs, and tappin’ that ass.  She would be a queen in my country.

Tiffany, Chicago, 27

   

Tiffany graces our lives with a glowing presence that offers many smiles and laughs.  She can sing beautifully to Journey while she fingers her crotch-hole jeans.  Her thighs are also immaculate because of all of her dance floor fucking.  She offers creative talents in theme parties and thinking of ways to sneak liquor into Summerfest.  On a final note, she has a great rack.

John, Chicago, not sure how old, but I’m sure he’s older than me sucka

   

John is a very charismatic fellow who dresses well.  He likes boobs and can make a delightful joke about a baby having a dyke spike.  He rounds out a Journey cover band with his majestic keyboard skills.  He is also very photogenic and doesn’t respond to many emails.  His finest quality is that he is not afraid to show his feminine side by ordering a lady skillet.  He also doesn’t look too bad in a Speedo.

Jill, Milwaukee, 26

   

Jill is a very pleasant girl who is knowledgeable in fancy doctor stuff and Body Step dance moves.  She is very passionate about food.  So passionate that you can hear how much she enjoys such items as pizza, fried cheese and peanut butter & chocolate shakes.  This passion allows her to be the “Grand Champ of the Buffet.”  Other skills include giving her number to young bucks which then results in some back seat lovin’.  She also likes to laugh at innapropriate times.  Her structure alone is what makes her my bestest friend eva.